Walking Gifts for Your Valentine (Or Literally Anyone)
A Walk in the Woods (Bill Bryson, 50p from nearly any charity shop)
Is your partner literate? Then they’ll love
Bill Bryson’s 1998 classic ‘A Walk in the Woods’, an autobiographical masterpiece
about his attempt to hike the Appalachian Trail with his hopeless friend
Stephen Katz. It’s touching, hilarious, and his passages about the joys and
perils of walking uphill are damn near perfection.
A Walk in the Woods (2015 film)
Is your partner illiterate? Then they’ll love the film adaptation of ‘A Walk in
the Woods’! If you already know who’s the reacher and the settler, the Jack and
the Rose, the Ross and the Rachel in your relationship, now find out who’s the
Bryson and the Katz! (Note: If you're the Katz you need to change)
Wild (2014 film)
What better
romantic film than one about hiking rescuing a woman from a deep depression
that she tried to numb with heroin and anonymous sex? At least the soundtrack
is fun! Warning: May cause women to become so strong and independent that they leave you.
Love Poles
Not to be outdone by
Marks and Spencer’s Love Sausage, how about our new Love Poles™
(ie literally any walking poles) – Long, lightly muddied and wrapped in carbon
fibre, they are in all outdoor stores now. Say it with sticks.
Citronella Candles
Why not set the mood by remembering all the special times you’ve had in the Great Outdoors, star-gazing, warming yourselves on a fire, and being bitten within an inch of your life by mosquitoes? Nothing says ‘I love you’ like bugs and blood. Just lots and lots of bugs and blood.
And finally, the perfect breakup film:
127 Hours (2010)
“Darling, you see that arm at the bottom of the cavern? That’s
you. And you see James Franco crawling out of the cavern? That’s me. And that
pocket knife? That’s tonight. Okay, I think that’s gone very well. Bye forever!”
With these gifts, your love will triumph just like a thru-hiker on the Appalachian Trail (ie with about a 25-27% success rate). Good luck!
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